Pee Wee Shops for a Car

There it was. The object of desire. Beige paint almost glowing under the streetlights. Hood only slightly bent out of shape. The sign in the window told the whole story:

FOR SALE $200
515 Jersey Ave.
Ring Foster bell.
“Well Buddy, wha’d’ya think?”

“It’s cheap enough, PeeWee, but these Vegas are all stiffs. They burn oil. You can’t put the radio and the headlights on at the same time, or the battery goes dead.”

“But the $200’s all I got for a car! What else am I gonna find, runnin’?”

“Yeah, you got a point. But let’s make sure that this one’s got some life left in it. You go ring the bell. I’ll wait here.”

A few minutes later, PeeWee returns.

“What’s the matter, PeeWee? You go to a funeral or something on the way up the block?”

“Ah, I lost out on the car!”

“Wha’d’ya mean, it’s right here!”

“Yeah, yeah. But the guy’s wife was talkin’ it up at her office. Seems somebody there’s got a kid that needs a cheap car. They’re headin’ right over to look it over. They’re gonna grab it. I’m outta luck!”

“Do you want this car?”

“Sure, I do!”

“OK, your buddy Buddy is gonna get it for you, even cheaper yet!”

Buddy walks down the block to his car. He opens the trunk and takes out a can of engine oil. He gets a bottle opener and punctures the top of the can of oil in two spots. He now walks over to the Vega and opens the hood. He pours the oil all over the engine of the Vega.

“C’mon, PeeWee. Thinking makes me thirsty.”

Buddy and PeeWee go across the street to a bar and both order Rheingolds. They stare out the little window, after rubbing off some of the brown, nicotine&tar.

Sure enough, a half an hour or so later a well-dressed, middle-aged couple with a teenager in tow approach the Vega and look it all over. After giving each other approving glances, the party proceeds to 515 Jersey Avenue. A few minutes later another middle aged man comes out, along with the group of three. His hands are waving as he is talking, perhaps extolling the many virtues of the Vega. All four get in the automobile. The car pulls out and heads down the block and around the corner.

Not five minutes had passed when the car reappears. Blue smoke is now pouring out from uner the hood. After parking, everybody gets out of the car. The owner is now making frantic motions, seemingly denying any prior knowledge of the car’s, now obvious, serious engine problems. The group of prospective buyers was hurrying away, faces indicating annoyance, irritation, and disappointment.

“Peewee, did they give you a number to call to see about the car?”

“Yeah, they wrote it down and handed it to me. I got it right here.”

“Good, let me have it.”

Buddy sat down at the bar and watched TV for about fifteen minutes. He then slowly finished his beer and then walked over to the telephone.

“Hello, I’m the guy that was interested in the car. Did your friend come over to look at it yet? Not what they were lookin’ for, OK. Yeah, I want it, but I been talking with a mechanic friend of mine. Says that’s a bum model. All I can giv’ ya is $50… No guarantee? That’s no big deal. I know you ain’t a used car lot, sure no guarantee is fine. I’ll be right over with the $50.”

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About Anthony Olszewski

Anthony Olszewski has written on a wide variety of topics: cage birds, tropical fish, popular culture, the poetry of Amiri Baraka and a chapter on genetics for a veterinary text book, as a small sample. He worked as an editor at a magazine produced by TFH, the world's largest publisher of pet books. Anthony Olszewski is the author of a booklet on Hudson County history, Hudson County Facts, and a book of short stories, Second Thief, Best Thief, that are sold on Amazon. Anthony Olszewski established PETCRAFT.com in 1996. A pioneer on the Web, the Site continues to provide unique information on a range of companion animals, focusing on birds and fish. As a community service, he operates Jersey City Free Books. Anthony Olszewski was born in Jersey City, NJ (Margaret Hague Maternity Hospital, 1956) and is a member of Mensa.
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