In a surprise move, even for Hudson County, it was announced today that George Washington would seek political office from beyond the pale.
In a press conference in front of “Honest Abe’s Pawn Shop And Used Cell Phone Exchange,” the proprietor, Abraham Petz, a life-long resident of Jersey City and self-proclaimed “political operative” Salvatore Zielinski, recently arrived from Florida, announced the candidacy. The duo produced Neville Kevins who they described as “world-renowned British Psychic and Channeler.” The claim is that the personality of our first President manifests itself through Mr. Kevins.
Volunteers in the crowd handed out dollar bills that were spray painted day-glo orange on the reverse side. A slogan, “Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is – Vote George!” appeared in stencil.
A reporter questioned one of the opposition’s modern day Machiavellis who happened to be on hand. This political consultant admitted that, “Most often I can put enough twists in anything to make a corkscrew look like a ruler by comparison.” But with this startling development, “I’m stumped… mystified.”
Through the device of Mr. Kevins, George Washington fielded a number of questions. When asked, “Is it really right for a dead person to run for office?” The Father of Our Country again showed his wisdom with the reply:
“It’s only fair that a deceased person run for Office. After all, for generations the dead have been voting here in Hudson County…”