A group of Marion and Greenville area residents publicly stated that they are directly descended from Native Americans. Specifically, they trace their lineage to a branch of the Lene Lenape tribe long thought to have been wiped out by Dutch settlers.
Chief Abraham “Fox-that-walks” Petz, owner of “Honest Abe’s Pawnshop and Cell Phone Service,” says that the tribe has kept its existence secret to this day due to a fear of violence from “colonists and other newcomers.” His brother, Martin Samuel Petz, notorious for his role in the Robert Vesco LSD for Alaskan Land deal, attended the press conference, but declined comment. Tribal Medicine Man, Leroy “Bear-that-stares” Smith would only say that Martin Samuel Petz is no longer a member of the tribe.
Leader of the Tribal Council, Salvatore “Crab-that-swims” Serrate, retired Business Agent of Teamster’s Local 560, elaborated on the group’s application to open a casino. “Given all the hardship and privation that we was forced to suffer, it’s only right that some allowance be made.” Salvatore Serrate is featured in another story today. (See below.) The tribe believes that their casino will eventually become “the crown jewel” in a massive recreational complex on the Jersey City waterfront. In their opinion, “this means prosperity for all residents of Jersey City.”
Chief Petz, pointed to a boulder jutting out from the sidewalk in front of his shop. “That stone has been sacred to our tribe from time immemorial.” An elderly neighborhood resident wondered aloud, “But Abe, I remember when your grand-daddy told the contractor that, since he wasn’t going to pay no extra to get it tugged out, that rock was just having have to go set there.”
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MAN GETS 10 DAYS FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT
Salvatore Serrate, Jersey City resident, was called to testify in front of a Grand Jury investigating illegal gambling activity in Hudson County. After an hour of evasive answers, the judge asked him, “Do you always answer a question with a question?” Salvatore replied, “Why do you ask that, your Honor?” The judge immediately delivered the sentence of 10 days.